Bionic Unicorn.

I started a really strict diet yesterday, I’m really excited about it. Lots of exercise is involved. My diet consists of, egg whites for breakfast with some oatmeal and non-fat milk. Then for lunch is just basically free game, after lunch I work out and dance my ass off to my favorite songs. After my work out, I grab Sally(for those of you who don’t know, shes my wonderful puppy♥) and i take her for a nice long relaxing walk around my neighbor hood.

I’m very proud of myself for sticking to this daily. I love going on my walks with my pup and clearing my head its good way to get out and think. No one to bother me, I’m loosing weight, Sally’s having a blast and getting her exercise as well which is good for a growing pup such as herself. :)

what I love more than anything out of all this is the dancing! ♥ I love to dance and move my body, I’m not the best but I have fun doing it and i’m getting better at it everytime!(rave and industrial dancing NOT included! :P)

I can’t wait to slip my new slim body into a sexy black dress when my 21st birthday comes around! I’ve worked my ass off this past year and I believe that i deserve a treat! A lot of my friends know that my plans for my birthday is that after I drop of my weight, I’m going to spoil myself to a day of pampering and a night of dancing and fun! But my plans consist of getting a job first. In the mean time I’ll search everyday until I get a job and get into school, look for a house to move into with my friend’s I will be better than I ever have been.

I’m NOT giving up on my dreams of a better life for myself, this year I’m going to be a little selfish. :)

Well its a starting, my grandmother is going down hill fast like no one’s business. :/ She doesn’t seem to be getting any better, and my mother seems to be accepting it better then as before. I’m tired of seeing my grandmother in such pain. Me and my sister’s have been going insane to make sure she is comfortable in every possible way but nothing seems to be doing the trick. :( We all know she’ll be leaving us soon and it doesn’t make it any easier on any of us. But we all want her with our loved ones mainly Grandpa and Aunt Marley as well as James Jr. Its where she wants to be.

As for me, it appears to me to that I’m single once again. :( I’m really bummed out by it mainly because I really liked him a lot and I was hoping for something good to come out of this relationship. :( All well my plan remains the same, I will be moving out in spring with a bunch of friends of mine as soon as i get a job and I’m taking my pet’s with me! Come hell or high water I WILL make my dreams come true and I will NOT let anyone stand in my way of moving in with my friend’s this spring I refuse to move in with anyone else now because of all the plans that have already been made with everyone. Eventually I will be going to Paul Mitchell to be come a Cosmetologist. ♥ My dream’s will come true and this time, NO ONE is stopping me, not even MYSELF.

Guess what my passion is? Yep! Cosmetology. ♥ I love doing my hair in crazy ways, I hardly leave the house without my make up done, and I hate not having my all ten finger’s and all ten toe’s painted! I even do it for my friend’s. Its a rarity to let my friend’s or anyone in that matter do my hair. Just recently my friend Skeetz(Scott) did my hair for me because I’ve never used clippers before he fucked up my hair badly. so what I fixed it the best way i could and its pretty much the way I’ve wanted it since i was about… Hmmm… 15. 

Well, my family hates my freaking hair. But you know something, its my hair it grows back and it suits me so well so they all can just deal with it. :) I’m not changing my way’s, I am who I am and thats the way I like it. I’m going to be going to school for this, i have to practice on something. haha! Might as well be myself right? Its my passion and what i love to do. And it WILL NOT CHANGE! ♥

I’ve been helping my family taking care of my dying grandmother( :( ), my sister Christine came down from my hometown Yuba City CA… I love her and all but the thing is thats bugging me to no end is the fact that she HAS to go where ever my mother goes in town. Shopping wise I mean. Its annoying as hell. I was having nightmare problem’s last night again, I feel sick as hell, and I finally got some sleep at erm, 4am. 5 hours later my mom and my sister come in and tells me I have to watch her for about two hours while they run into town…

4 hours later!!

They finally come home, I’m totally outraged and all I want to do is talk to my amazing boyfriend who isn’t talking to me at all. *hint hint LEE!* which I’ve only heard from ONCE this morning, and I’ve been trying to get a hold of him all damn day. He had a mishap with his facebook yesterday as well to where something happened and it blocked and deleted I believe a few people including myself. This has happened once before right before he went to his job in Georgia, and I do think that the same thing has happened again, I was concerned on if he was ok or not, so went on to my mother’s facebook to see if hes been online and it said he was no longer in a relationship… AT ALL!

Lee,

If you read this anytime soon, all the cell phones will be shut off until friday will you please message me on facebook so that way I know what in the hell is going on! :( and I apologize for freaking out I’m very confused. So MESSAGE ME PLEASE! i ♥ u.

My dream finished. i woke up in tears! it was terrible. >.>

As i was peering through the cracks of the door it looked like there was a young girl crying on a chair, as i opened the dead creaky door and stepped in, there was no one there… i sighed in relief that no one was hurt and there was no creepy young girl. i started to wander around the empty dead barn house, i heard noises outside, the chilled autumn breeze brusted through the cracks of the dead wood of the barn. i turned to leave and there was the young girl standing in the only entrance/exit… she waqs again crying, nervously i walked up to her in worry that she was hurt and asked if she was ok. she did not answer. i placed a hand on her shoulder she lifted her head to show under her straw like hair that it wasn’t a young girl but the mask of one the dying flesh on her face showed she was a hag wearing the skin of another person and under her shawl was a horse head… dripping in blood, she let out a cackling scream and through the head at me…

i woke up before it hit me.

i feel like everything in my life is starting to break around me. Falling apart day by day like i’m trying to climb out of quick sand, the closer i get to getting out the deeper i go down. 

it sucks so bad when i get closer to making my dreams come true and my life starting but then it crashes down over drama and stress. i’m sick to death of breaking down under the stress of life. its a terrible feeling i hate this feeling. >.<

Unravling, Unchanging, Under stress… Undying pain.

What am i going to do? :(

Nightmares again… but they changing.

i’m walking down a country side hill with beautiful trees and meadows surrounding me i’m smiling and happy and peaceful. my mind at ease, complete and utter bliss. then i wake up and i’m napping under a dead oak tree its in the same forest i was just in within my dream. i start to walk to down the same path i was just on, but this time it was real. i get to the pretty meadow i was in, there was an old farm house in the pit of the dying long grass. i start walking towards it, the rotting wood stuck of mold, there were cracks in the wood ropes swinging in the chilled breeze around it. i peered through the half cracked door to the barn just when i was about to open it…

i woke up again.